There’s a way old Steve Martin bit about teaching kids to talk wrong. The skit takes place in a classroom filled with young children. One child raises his hand and when called on asks; ‘May I please go to the bathroom?’. The teacher, a bewildered look on his face, says ‘I’m sorry?’ The student replies: ‘Sorry, can I moo-moo dog face to the banana patch?’ And, he is sent on his way to the bathroom.
As kids, we used ‘moo moo dog face to the banana patch’ all the time when we wanted to be excused from the dinner table or elsewhere. We all thought making up words or speaking wrong was a great idea. My brother took his own spin on Steve Martin’s craft and teaches his own kids wrong words…To be fair, he just elongates words, sometimes creating verbs out of nouns or adverbs out of …doesn’t matter. Just know that this happens and now his people (son and daughter) are also doing it.
My brother is also an inventor of sorts….and created a magical new mix of spices called ‘Dad Salt’. Don’t ask me what’s in it, cuz it’s like a secret… just know that you should put the stuff on everything. Still working on marketing and margins, but soon to be available everywhere.
I was recently with them all – GUESTIFICATING at their home in Cincinnati. And, we made a giant Smoked Beef Brisket as people in Cincinnati are wont to do. As the brisket was my brother’s creation, I have tried to channel his spirit in CRAFTIFYING this post.
Tiny apartment tips:
- Be a good GUESTIFIER – to ensure future invites
- Find GUESTIFICATION locations with outdoor grills
- Don’t try this in your tiny apartment
- LMK if you are interested in purchasing ‘Dad Salt’
Giant Smoked Brisket (serves an army….of 8)
NOTE: This is a two day process. A commitment to meat. COMMITIFY yourself.
1 Giant 12lb Beef Brisket – we got ours at Costco, the land of giant meats
- 2 Cups Apple Juice
- 1 14oz Can of Beef Broth
- 2 TBSP of minced garlic – I never use the jar stuff, but a guest really shouldn’t say such things
- 1 TBSP EVOO
- Loads of DAD SALT(tm)
- NOTE: If you haven’t yet ordered or received your Dad Salt, you can create your own poor imitation by mixing together – sea salt, bacon salt, garlic powder, paprika, ground pepper, onion powder
- A meat injector
- 2 cans of Darkish beer or ale – we used 1 can of Boddington’s and 1 can of Guinness
- Applewood chips for the grill
- Store bought sweet bbq sauce
1. HEATIFICATION of the Injecting Agent: Heat 1 Cup of the Apple Juice and 1/2 of the can of beef broth with the garlic and olive oil over low heat in a sauce pan
2. Once the flavors have come together and the mix is FRAGRANTIFIED – about :05 mins…let the mixture cool slightly
3. TRIMMITIZING: Pat dry the giant brisket and trim off most of but not all of the excess fat. The fat lends flavor and moisture to the meat…so leave about 25% of it on the giant beef
4. RUBIFICATION: Rub Dad Salt(tm) generously all over the giant meat
5. INJECTIFICATION: Fill the meat injector with the garlic, broth, apple juice mixture and inject liberally all over the meat
6. Cover the INJECTIFIED, RUBIFIED meat and refrigerate overnight
THE NEXT DAY……
7. RE-RUBIFYING: Remove the meat from the fridge and rub AGAIN liberally with Dad Salt
8. SMOKIFIER; Early, like way early in the morning, prepare the grill with very low indirect heat.
9. Prepare a large drip pan with 2 cans of beer (a darker beer is better here) and a 1/2 cup of Apple Juice AND the fat trimmings from the brisket and place it on the low rack of the grill
10. SMOKIFICATION: Replace the second rack and put the Brisket over the side with the beer/juice/fat pan. On the other side, place several applewood chips that have been soaked for at least an hour in water in a smoker box
11. Cover the grill and let meat smoke forever….Like 8 hours
12. FOILIZING: After 8 hours, remove the brisket from the smoker, put in a large roasting dish lined with foil….And, then seal the meat in foil.
13. OVENIZATION: put the giant meat into a 250 degree oven for an additional 2 hours
14. REJUICIFICATION: Remove the meat and let it rest for :20 – :30 minutes
15. SLICERIZING: Serve warm by the slice
We served the tender, smoky slices atop potato buns with some cole slaw and sweet bbq sauce.
I’m not sure it’s a great idea to TEACHIFY kids to speak wrong….But, I will say that now that the kids are older and able to make up their own words…it’s fun to watch. Plus, I’m sure it helps keep their creative juices flowing.
Listen, when in Rome, right? Being with my Cincy peeps is always a great GUESTIFICATION.